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by David N Johnson

October 8, 2020

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What pains of the past are holding you back? Don’t just read those words, feel them. What wounds are you still licking after all these years?

You may not even realize that you’re being held back by them, but you are. Was there a family member 5 years ago that did something to you that you still haven’t forgave? Is there a death in your past that was particularly hard? How about that time you found out that your spouse cheated on you?

You know what I’m talking about and you know that it’s holding you back. You know that you don’t go to family functions because you don’t want to see that one cousin again, you can’t enjoy life because you feel guilty that your sister passed away way too young, or that your cheating spouse took away both your dignity and your willingness to love again.

So, I ask you again: what pains of the past are holding you back?

Don’t just keep reading. Grab something to write with and just start writing. At the very top write the question: “what pains of the past are holding me back?”

Then, you write.

You cannot live your life subservient to pain. You cannot allow the things that you can’t change to rule over you. You can’t live in the present if you’re still living in the past.

You can’t control everything in this life, but you can control how you react to the uncontrollable. You can decide HOW it affects you

So, how do you let go?

Step # 1 – Understand That Your Feelings Are Valid

Just because I want you to let go, for your own sake, doesn’t mean that you have to tell yourself that you’re wrong for feeling the way that you do. You were wronged and you have the right to feel how you feel. However, you also have the right NOT to allow those feelings to keep you prisoner.

Step # 2 – Give Yourself Permission To Move On

This could be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, but it must be done. Give yourself permission to move on and then forgive yourself for wanting to do it.

How do you know when its time to move on?

  • When you habitually give more than you take.
  • When you think about the past more than you live in the present.
  • When you’re constantly mentally and physically exhausted.
  • When you’re always telling yourself, tomorrow will be better, tomorrow I’ll move on.
  • When you feel “not good enough.”
  • When you cry more than you laugh.
  • When you’re constantly resentful towards other peoples’ happiness or good fortunes.
  • When you have lost your joy or your passion

Step # 3 – Immediately Take A Step Forward

When deciding to move on, it’s important that you see an instant win. Take your first step. Don’t wait till tomorrow, do it now.

Give that cousin of yours a call. Go on a date. Enjoy yourself. Yes, you’ll feel guilty, but remind yourself that it’s okay to move on. Once you take that first step the second one will be easier.

Still Finding It Hard To Let Go?

  • Plan a trip.
  • Accept that what happened happened and it can’t be changed.
  • Express your feelings creatively. Find a way to positively let out your frustration.
  • Volunteer.
  • Go to counseling.
  • Seek out others with similar experiences.
  • Write down what you can’t let go then crumple it up and throw it in the fire.
  • Take time for you, nurture yourself
  • Practice mindfulness. Pray. Meditate.

Do something. You can’t allow the pains of the past to control your present and color your future. You’re more than those pains. Past pains will weigh you down if you allow them to. They will make every step forward that much harder. Cast them off, unburden yourself, and move forward without them.

Oh, yes I did!

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David N Johnson

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David N Johnson

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